Mixed Fruit Jam

I'm having a happy-crappy day. 70-30 happy. I think.
I hate the feeling of having mixed feelings. It's so...bleargh. Mixed feelings is like happy-crappy, but the crappy takes away from the happy. Feels like there's something on my back I need to shake off.

So recently I did this test that told me what my "true colors" are in terms of my personality. I'm split down the middle (almost) into gold and blue. Gold is process oriented, logical, structured, steady. Blue folks are loyal, empathetic, ruled by emotions, and rely lots on feelings. And then there's some green & orange for data driven & creative etc etc.

So, do green & orange & gold folks not feel happy-crappy? logically speaking, with data & logic, there's either only happy or only crappy no? poor things.

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Wedding planning: Rant 2. To Dress or not to Dress.

Whoever said you can plan a wedding in a day was/is, well, hallucinating. And obviously never tried it before. You know who you are -- hope you're listening!
Dress or Saree? Mehendi or no mehendi? Dress, but modest? Saree but non-traditional? Mehendi on a dress? Saree with no mehendi? Dress with mehendi - yuck. Saree to church wedding - nah. Bridesmaids in sarees - hmmm. Bridesmaid in dress, everyone else in saree - hmmmmmm. Dress but not pure white? Saree but white-ish? Dress is "picture perfect" but this is hardly the movies. Saree is easy and convinient, but this is hardly the time for convenience - once in a lifetime no?  Avergae Indian dress-making or take a chance on phoren retail dress? or ditch it all for the Saree? even there's 3 more Saree occasions? Dress & color cordination or color co-ordinated sarees? Co-od clothes with decor? or Decor with clothes? Indian flowers for dress? 'western' setting with saree? Aaaaaarghh.
Its okay if this appeared garbled -- its not you, its me.

Wedding planning: Rant 1. Color me Happy.

And they say wedding planning is supposed to be fun. How in the bloody world is it going to be fun when a boy & a girl have to both agree on one color? Leave alone one color, they gotta agree on a color, a theme, a flower or two, a friend or two or two hundred.

How can it be fun when even after u find a vaguely likeable color, it has a zillion shades or no flowers in that color? How can it be fun when the girl cares about all he details & matching clothes and the boy doesn't give a crap? (In those exact words!)

How can it be fun when you have to do all of this from two different cities, while paying bucket loads for 2 hr STD calls? And then dealing with the frustration of having spoken(argued) on the phone for 2 hours to realize there's been miniscule progress?
And we just got started.
Aaaaargh.

3 years and hanging on...

So its been more thank two and a half  years since I last blogged here, as a happy-go-lucky, excited little birdie flying away from its nest for the first time. And its been a crazy ride since then.. There have been lots of highs and some lows. Mostly highs (all pun intended), and then some super lows. Sigh, I know I sound so jaded, and maybe I am. I think I'm done with this 'happy' life. Been there, done it all.


I've had the best moments of my life and I've had the worst moment(s) of my life. My first real feeling of independence, my first home away from home, my first set of roommates, my first too-drunk-to-stand moment, my first set of 'serious' fights, my first of many heart-to-heart confessions, my first controversy, my first real big fight, my first bitching-behind-my-back situation, my first real forever-kinda-friends, my first 'official' trips, my first big presentations, my first awards, my first professional screw ups. Been there, done it all.

From coming here all alone, to making a crazy large group of friends, to finding a handful of close ones, and then being the last one standing, from awesome relationships unfortunately turning into shit, to re-discovering the good old ones, from being the naive happy fool to learning how to play the game, from hearing about social/work politics to learning how to work the wheel, from being the one in need of guidance to being someone able to guide another. Been there, done it all.

Its crunch time now, time to make some tough decisions, and I'm stuck. Sometimes, I feel like I've pulled along far enough and its time to get the hell outta here. Sometimes I feel I overstayed my welcome and thats why things got so screwed up, some(rare)times I feel like there's more, much more I can learn, more I can gain. Time to make that decision, and here I am, holding on to the damned fence for dear life. Oh God, why did you make me Libran?

Things we do in the name of Love...

Stay up late, wake up early, Spend lots of money. Bear frustration, give up anger, forgive & forget, spend more money. Sacrifice, compromise, prioritize. Be crazy, be angry, be good, be bad, be serious, be mad. Laugh, fight, bond, cry, grow, learn, unlearn. 

Live. 

Really live.